Checking In

Earlier today, I tried to remember the last time I posted a blog entry. I couldn't remember off the top of my head and didn't bother to check. I was just aware it had been a while. I thought about giving myself a hard time about that, but caught myself. It's been a mad few months here, one way or another and blogging has not been foremost on my mind. This evening however, I received notification of a comment left on my site...someone who didn't leave their name...pointed out it had been a while since my last post. It's probably somebody I know well...but then again it may not be. Whoever you are though...thank you. Timing was perfect, as it usually is. More so than you may realise! Thank you for pulling my attention back to the blog. I think it could be part of what I need right now. We'll see.

Stagnation

Apparently, stagnation can be a part of the process of change. Seems a bit contradictory to me but I also get it. Sometimes when change is occurring, the Universe intervenes by putting certain blocks in our path. We can try to manoeuvre around them and may be successful for a while, but in my experience, eventually, you'll come across a block that stops you in your tracks. It can take different forms. It can be an emotional block that we need to work through, or perhaps a physical block where our body gives us a few signs that we need to ease up a bit...perhaps we get consistently tired but fail to rest or slow down. Some of us may have the strength to "power through" at least for a while but ultimately, our body is in control. If we don't listen to those early warning signals, along comes that piece of 2x4 (2 by 4...ie a very big stick!) to whack us over the head and into reality, often insisting that we stop what we are doing. Depending on what it is we are trying to do, the sign will vary.

I teach a bit of yoga, just part time and when I'm low, I often lose my voice. Not very useful when trying to teach. I have to stop. I am currently learning the wonderful art of reflexology where I use my hands to help heal others. Right now for reasons I can't quite fully comprehend and that seem quite "unfair", whilst doing something I love and being in the midst of learning something truly amazing and inspiring...I develop a problem with my hand and my arm which means I cannot practice or continue with my case studies for now.

Once the frustration subsided (OK, it still comes and goes but mainly it has passed now) I realised I had no choice but to rest. After all, I've been without my right hand before. Memories of last summer come flooding back. It's not the same, but the impact is very similar. Food for thought. What is it about my right hand? What am I not hearing or seeing, or doing? Seriously...if you have any suggestions, answers on a postcard please!

So I have taken a week to rest. To be as still. To meditate, To do yoga. To dance. To read. In fact to realise all the things that I can do at the moment rather than focus on the things that I can't do. And to accept that. Fighting this cause will not help me...but I believe acceptance will.

Now is The Time!

I've been a fan of Jonathan Cainer for many years now. His accuracy often astounds me. So when I read this today, following my first post in a while yesterday, I had to smile. It seems NOW, IS a good time to start afresh!

www.jonathancainer.com

Jonathan's Thought For The Day

New Start In early January, I explained that New Year is rarely the right time for a new start. There are many other dates which might be more suitable for dropping old habits. If you've been following your forecast since then, you will have already seen me point out such times. More good opportunities are due in the next few weeks. I'm particularly excited about the rare transit of Venus on June 6. But while Mars is just picking up momentum after a long retrograde phase, right now is a fine time for anyone who seeks to summon more self-discipline!

Just Blog!

Like most things, the longer I leave it, the more difficult it becomes. Blogging included. I'm out of the habit. I've had stuff going on. Emotions. Thoughts. Feelings. Questions. Not to mention overseas travel, family visits and a new nephew. All part of life, the full spectrum. Writing and blogging got put to one side. Nothing really wrong with that in essence, apart from the fact that I really do love to write. It serves many purposes for me. Blogging is a kind of journaling but less personal, less intimate. At least that has always been my intention. And yet, I don't think it hurts a blog to be a bit personal. It makes it interesting. We feel we are getting more when we get emotions too. Or is that just me?

I haven't blogged in 2 months. All my potential blog entries felt too personal. Too private to share. Maybe there is just some stuff I haven't quite come to terms with yet and that is why if all feels too intimate, to be honest, I'm not entirely sure. What I did realise today though is that I just need to DO IT! Write. Blog. Journal. Whatever form it takes is not really important, but the process is.

So it may be April 16th....hardly a popular day for resolutions of any kind as far as I know, but today I re-commit to writing. To Just Doing It. To stop thinking too much about it, to stop analysing every word that I  may want to share. To be brave and to be free. It is no co-incidence that I decided to log on to my blog today to remind myself what my last post actually was...and I found myself reading the very words that have been playing over in my mind today.....

You must learn one thing:
the world was made to be free in.

 

Give up all the other worlds
except the one to which you belong.

 

Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn

 

anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive

 

is too small for you.

 

~ David Whyte ~

What do You Love and what brings You alive?

Sweet Darkness

 

When your eyes are tired
the world is tired also.

 

When your vision has gone
no part of the world can find you.

 

Time to go into the dark
where the night has eyes
to recognize its own.

 

There you can be sure
you are not beyond love.

 

The dark will be your womb
tonight.

 

The night will give you a horizon
further than you can see.

 

You must learn one thing:
the world was made to be free in.

 

Give up all the other worlds
except the one to which you belong.

 

Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn

 

anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive

 

is too small for you.

 

~ David Whyte ~

 

 

(House of Belonging)

 

What's Normal Anyway?

This weekend I'm wrestling a little with the fact that Alan is in the UK without me. It feels a bit odd. Him being there, in the Homeland and me here. Especially when there is a Big family occasion being celebrated. I should be there, I'd like to be there.....but I'm not. For practical reasons. It could be worse though, after all, I will get a chance to see my immediate family and some of my friends next month when it's my turn to fly. I can't wait. Aunt status is due to kick in any day now and I am very excited about that. I'm sure it will be another pull in the direction of the UK, a bit of tug on the heart strings but I must learn to be a good Aunt from afar. That's just the way it is right  now. I've had to learn to be a daughter, a sister and a friend from afar...I'll just add Aunt to the pile.

Sometimes this life we lead feels quite frustrating. A little bit sad, to be away from family and old friends. I sometimes wonder why our life has to be so different...so "not normal". Why don't we live close to our family...have loads of friends on our doorstep... and be nearby for loved ones when they need us unexpectedly? The obvious answer is because we chose to move to Canada of course but that does not always feel like a reasonable explanation. Most days Ottawa feels like home these days. It's where we live, it's where our home is. Where our life is. That all sounds very normal...and so the rest falls into place around it...most days...until a special day or a sad day pops up then the distance is highlighted and the questions arise.

At times like these, I remind myself that I have many friends...and many of those friends are living a very similar life to us. Far away from their families...and old friends. Then it doesn't feel so odd any more. It's a life style. Most of the time it's wonderful to be an explorer...to challenge yourself  by living in a country that is not strictly speaking yours. What is Normal anyway?

Goodbye 2011

Well where did that month go?

Looking back over the last month of 2011, I think it's fair to say that it was a month of ups and downs.  Highs and Lows. The first half had some rough patches as I struggled to get back to full health after my run in with laryngitis and the things that accompanied it. My month was a bit light on the teaching front because of it...well that, and the reduced Christmas schedule, which definitely turned out to be a blessing, giving me a little more time to rest and do all those pre-holiday jobs that need doing, no matter how simple you try to keep things.

As the Christmas week approached however, it was time for some fun. Another road trip! We enjoy road trips and we have taken 2 in the last 2 weeks! The first destination was Muskoka, our new favourite place to visit with a pit stop in Toronto first for a spot of business and pleasure. Just pleasure for me :-) I got to dance some Nia with my Toronto Nia teacher, Martha Randall and reconnect with some of my fellow white belt graduates for the first time since July...that was special and I almost got to connect with another friend too, but not quite. Next time hopefully. We took in a show...well, you have to when in the city, especially at Christmas time....

Muskoka was perfect for my birthday. A wonderful place to relax and get pampered. The only thing that would have made it more perfect would have been to see it snow...or to see some snow there! But alas, despite the -12 temperatures there was no snow in sight between December 22 & 24. Oh well. It made for a much easier journey, on the plus side. Beautiful weather in both directions for a road trip. Bright blue skies, sunshine and even some snow-topped evergreens as we made our way through the lake-ridden landscape, on our way home on Christmas Eve. Beautiful!

Christmas was quiet. Quiet is good but I did miss my family this year, and I'm looking forward to March.

Then came NewYear and road trip number 2, taking us to Massachusetts, over the border. It's never my favourite time of year and has always been a slightly tricky time for me, not really sure why but I suspect I'm not the only one. It is a time when we can't help but review the year that has passed and maybe even judge it just a little. Our achievements, or if we feel like being especially hard on ourselves, the lack there of. The sad bits, the losses. If we're lucky however, we don't forget to remember the best bits. The friends we've made, the love we've given and received. The simple pleasures. The life lessons.

I was happy to retreat this year, spiritually retreat....for the first time. It was wonderful to immerse ourselves into such a nurturing environment and let everything else go. To roll out of bed at some unearthly hour and roll onto our mats for a morning yoga class. To eat a healthy breakfast and to study with an inspiring teacher. To meditate. To meet some like minded people and to be surrounded by beautiful countryside. To welcome 2012 in with some fabulous and joyful music... and to not have a hangover on New Years Day. I enjoyed the simplicity of this NewYear's Eve. The shift to this new year was more about the letting go of last year and any challenges it presented and moving joyfully and positively into the year ahead. I think it can be very easy to forget the significance of this sometimes with all the hype around the celebrations...the parties and the alcohol. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.